Cody

Have you ever had one of those moments where you get something for the first time? More often than not for me this moment occurs during the meditation of God’s word. You’ll be sitting there reading a story, or a line that you’ve read 539 times before and all of a sudden it has meaning. In this book I’ve been reading Starving Jesus it refers to this as “The Tuck” I like the way Craig (one of the authors of Starving Jesus) describes the tuck so I will quote him on this. “The Tuck is that one word, one story, one eye-opening chapter that you have read a hundred times before it beats you over the head and wham! A little truth leaks into your life. That’s The Tuck.”

So we’ve all been there right? It’s often God’s way of saying “You’re never done, continue seeking me forever because I’ve always got something to show you.” Well this morning in church as I was half listening to Jim go on about the first few chapters of the Bible with this story of “In the beginning God created the… heavens… and… the… zzzzZZZzzZZzz” Yeah, that one, well I happened to hear something that struck me as amazing. So God creates the earth right? To understand this a little better you’ve got to hear what I was hearing. Jim started getting into this whole Hebrew lesson. Well in English the words create, form, build, and uh… something else I’ll have to get my notes later, all mean about the same thing right? Not in Hebrew the word Create specifically refers to making matter from nothing. Then after God Creates matter he forms it, which is something that even Humans can do forming is simply taking matter and shaping it into something else. God forms man, but it was not good for man to be alone… although before God gives man a companion he appoints a task to him… kind of odd if you ask me. I never really caught it before but God knows that Adam should not be alone, yet He doesn’t fix the problem immediately… first he asks Adam to do something for Him, and after being faithful God Builds Woaman out of Man. No, that’s not a mistake, if we look at the Hebrew what God did was build Woman… anyways… what hit me so clearly was the fact that God was around before everything correct? He is was and is to come. So in creating the earth and forming Man this was clearly stated and obviously done for his own needs or wants of whatever you want to call it. We were made to worship God and nothing else. Why is it that when God saw that Adam shouldn’t be alone he first told him to name all the animals? This is where things start getting too intense for me to even form a coherent sentence powerful enough to show you what God revealed to me today. God passed all these creatures in front of Adam that He had spoke into existence… the thing is why were the animals created? The Bible never says anything about them having even a similar purpose as Humans in worshiping God… so in this it becomes clear that they are here for us… but even in this, thousands of creatures created to entertain, and occupy the mind of Man it still wasn’t enough. God wanted to show Adam “hey look, this is all for you, but I have something better. I want to build something specifically for you to keep you company that was designed from the same template used to make you. This way you will be able to have the most intimate relationship possible because of your similarities.” Then it hit me… We are created from a piece of God… His breath of life entered us so that we may have the most amazing intimate relationship possible, because we were formed to be reflections of attributes of the Almighty God.

If you started reading my last entry I’m sorry… While I was writting it I got side tracked, started pacing around my basement speaking what I had to say instead of typing it out.  Then when I went to type it out nothing would come.  So I decided to actually use some of them crap I have on my computer and begin voice blogging… which didn’t turn out so well.  I ended up getting interupted like 3 times and freezing between things I wanted to say because I couldn’t come up with the words… and just general chaos.  Part of the problem is that when I speak I like to be able to walk around and I was bound by the six foot cord on my headset.  So I listened to my recordings, wrote out a “script” and went at it again… it was better, but when I listen to it now I feel like it’s scripted, I can tell… we’ll put it out there and see what you guys think anyways… I’ve still got to cut out messups, and pauses, then compile it all into flash (since that’s the only way I really know how to do this).  I’ll try to post it here, but if it won’t let me I’ll definitely post it into myspace, and force you all to listen
Hopefully things turn out ok,  it might be a tad odd to start with… but I plan to continue voice blogging and hopefully I get better at all of this.

I woke up this morning at 5:30am which was nice, being a couple hours later than usual. After wallowing around for a while I came to the conclusion that I needed an omelet. As food is dwindling in our house there isn’t much to choose from in the way of what to eat, but we did have all that was necessary for an omelet. So as I’m frying up some Italian sausage, yeah that’s right, Italian sausage in the morning; first off I hate breakfast sausage, just doesn’t do anything for me, and secondly this is a little trick I learned from this awesome cafe in downtown KCMO if you ever want the best Italian breakfast you’ve ever had call me sometime before noon (because I don’t know how late they’re open) and I’ll take you there… and pay! It’s good trust me… just can’t think of the name of the place… oh well. Anyways, as the sausage is frying up I start whipping together some eggs and milk on the table, I turn my back for a minute to stir up the sausage and keep it from burning on one side. When I turn back around I bet you’ll never guess what I saw… Snickers on the table getting ready to share in my omelet batter… Now don’t get me wrong, I love this cat I’d do anything for this cat and I’ve actually cooked her dinner before, this being the same cat that curls up on my chest at night and keeps me warm. Out from my mouth comes the words “What is wrong with you cat!!!?!?!!? I did not give you that food!!!” which may have actually been a lot longer of a sentence with many other phrases like “I will destroy you!” and “Death shall meet you swiftly!” Either way she jumped down from the table instantly and stared at me from behind the chair with this look of “what’s wrong, you left it out for me didn’t you?” “No cat!! Mine! I will eat you!” If you hadn’t noticed I say strange things when I’m angry… Shortly after scolding my precious little animal I realised that me and her aren’t much different. In fact we’re not different at all.

Ok, so I can’t type this story out… I will return with an audio clip of myself though speaking this.

I hate silence, I bet most of you didn’t know that about me. Here I am one of the quietest people many of you will ever meet and I hate silence. Why? Oh, that’s simple, because I’m afraid of the silence. Did you know that it takes me half an hour to fall asleep every night? Yup, it takes me that long to quiet down my brain and fall asleep. At that I rarely ever sleep for more than 4 hours at a time… simply can’t handle it, my brain loves to think, run through situations, make up story lines, and in general be loud. See… being smart is the only thing that I regularly get complimented on, people that take the time to shut up for a second and listen to me always notice that I’m actually rather intelligent… this is the only thing that I am sure of myself in… and because of that I’m scared of being idle, I’m scared of my brain slowing down long enough that the world may pass me by in knowledge. I sit here all day studying, reading, learning, examining others opinions, scrutinizing everything, and tearing down the world around me so that I may see it up close viewing how it functions.

Most the time I blame the fact that I don’t remember new peoples names on the idea that I’m a Visual/Kinetic learner… when in reality when you give me verbal instructions I never even hear what you have to say… I can’t even sit still long enough to go through an entire church service without having a constant barrage of day dreams going on in the background… I’ve got to have something else going on in my world to keep my attention. Constantly there are story lines, images, and ideas flowing through my mind… they often get so cluttered that I can’t hear the world around me, becoming immersed in a world of my imagination, totally oblivious to this reality that merely surrounds me as background noise. All day long when I’m not around my sources of information I sit rehearsing what I’ve learned throughout the day, or week to keep myself sharp and able to recite correct information on any subject matter. Did you know that at any moment you ask me I can tell you the EXACT process as to why your eyes tear up when you cut into an onion? Why? Because I read it one day, found it interesting and recited it back to myself for weeks to come until it was so ingrained in my head that it will never leave me. Where as most of you use the provided WYSIWYG editors on webpages and sites I intentionally use straight code so that I don’t forget it… when I double space I actually type out the NBSP code, I use BR tags instead of striking enter when allowed, Bold, Underline, and Italic I do with HTML to keep myself on-top of proper use of code.

So the question stands: What is so wrong with silence? Why are so many of us scared to death of silence? Why is it that when things go wrong in our life we’re so prone to say “Oh, this must be God speaking to me, trying to reach me”?  In the Bible Elijah was sent up a mountain to meet with God… while he was up there heavy winds came that shook the mountain, but God was not in the wind. Then came a huge earthquake, but God was not in the earthquake Then a fire swept across the mountain, but God was not in the fire. After all these had passed there was quiet, stillness, and in the quiet was God’s voice… You know I often say a huge turning point for me was the year I wrecked my car for the longest time I’ve always said “yeah, God was trying to get my attention, and it took something drastic like a car wreck to get it” when in reality… God was not in the car wreck, He was in the quiet months that followed, the solitude, and the loneliness… That is where God met me and spoke.

Ok, so 2.2ghz was never enough, and 2.64 was getting old… so I figured that I’d push on my CPU a little harder. I thought I was running into instability problems from my Chipset so I got a heatpipe cooler for it (the extreme spirit II from Thermaltake). When I ran into instabilities with my overclock I started upping the voltage little by little to the chipset, which didn’t do anything… so I put it back at stock and started pumping volts into my RAM since I can send it to 2.9volts w/o voiding the warranty. Neither helped stabilize the system but when I got the CPU to 2.4volts it has been running perfectly stable on Prime95 for 8 hours now! I’ll come back and post some Screenshots when I end Prime95 with everything so it shows the time it’s run stable and what not.

Only 55mhz faster than what it was running before. I’d push it to 3.0ghz if I had a spare mobo sitting around, along with a more powerful PSU, I’d also like 6 Vantec Tornado fans in my case rather than these generic fans that barely move 40cfm each. CPU is sitting pretty at 33° Celcius, Chipset 27°C, and RAM 31°C (sorry I use thermal probes so I can’t give screenshots for those, and if I did it’d say that my CPU was running at 22°C because my motherboards heat sensors are retarded).

Alright, so my church has a hayride at the Red Barn Farm every year… they had these cool little magnets with the years on them and what certain things cost through those years… I had to pick up one from 1986 (my year)

Average Income: $22,339.00
Loaf of bread: 98¢
Gallon of Gas: 89¢
Gallon of Milk: $2.19

New Car: $9,281.00
New Home: $89,463.00

Dow Jones Average: 1,502.29 to 1,955.57
President: Ronald Reagan
Vice President: George Bush

I kept thinking that I’d put it on my computer or something… but uh… my computer’s all aluminum, so I’m not quite sure where I’ll be sticking this lil guy.

Have you ever asked a question so sure about the answer that you already knew what you were going to be doing before you ever asked the question? Then when you get the answer you’re so bent on going with your way that you find yourself denying the fact that you even got the answer that you got?

Background: I’ve been reading through first and second Samuel, don’t know exactly what lead me to it, but I got to a point in my life where I knew I needed to be reading the bible every day… Opened it up and found myself ensnared by the life of my now very good friend David. David reminds me so much of myself that I hate to put the book down, you want to get to know me, know my flaws that no one ever sees? Read through the books of Samuel. David was awesome, even before he was king of Israel, as a young man not even old enough for a drivers license he went to meet his brothers on the battlefield where the Israel army was terrified of a single man… David looks at this man standing nine feet tall wearing all bronze armour and says “My God will destroy you for taunting these men, and not only that but after he uses me to kill you I’ll cut your head off with your own sword and leave your body to be eaten by the birds.” This was a horrible curse for them, since the Philistines believed that a body unburied or unburnt would never make it to the after life. But David isn’t all talk, he doesn’t just threaten this man three times his size he goes and accomplishes what he said he’d do, then he totes this guys head around to every city of Israel showing everyone what he did… yeah… that’s the part most of the kiddie stories of David and Goliath leave off… While reading through these stories it often talks about David calling for the “holy vest” going off away from everyone else and praying about what should be done in a particular situation. I didn’t think very much about it, but my Bible has these random (and believe me, they’re random) excerpts where it decides to explain historically what something means. Well the “Holy Vest” wasn’t much of anything special simply a nice vest type covering that contained a pocket… it was what was within this pocket that was special… sort of. The pocket contained a smooth rock that had stuff written in Hebrew on both sides. When someone had a hard decision to make they’d pray about it for long periods of time wearing this vest and when they felt their heart was in line with God’s they’d throw this rock in the air and let it land showing them what God’s answer was to their question. The ancient Hebrews believed that God could control the way this rock landed and that is why they would often use this method. I like David a lot, so if it’s good enough for David, it is good enough for me dagnabit!!

Story: For the last month I said that I’d run my business until I was out of money, or close to.  Well I’m not really at that point quite yet, but I’m also not really making money.  So for the last week or so I started asking the question should I find another job to go to get this stupid credit card paid off, and all this other crap that would be nice to get taken care of.  Answer I got: yes.  Cool, I’ve got two good opportunities 1) what I like to call the easy way Taco Bell simply because they’re in desperate need of help, and Tiana works there so I know I could get a job and 2) Nebraska Furniture Mart a little more of a stretch, but more money with starting pay of $11.50 an hour.  The question this time was should I seek either of these jobs?  no?  uh… well… we’ll try this individually (since I was SOOO sure it should be one of them) nope… alrighty… well whatever I did say that I would wait until I needed to get a job before I did and just for funs sake I asked if I should continue with Archmaille Designs: yes.  IF I NEED TO BE CONTINUING WITH THIS THING WHY IS IT SO DISCOURAGING TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING?  Oh I get some amazing stuff acomplished, things that I’m rather proud of (new website design, new equipment that reduces production time in half, and I’m getting stuff made like crazy), yet no one is buying ANYTHING!!! Fine… we’ll let that one go, for now.  Moving on from that there are also a couple of girls who’ve been awesome lately… and I’m starting to like ‘em ya know?  So the question this time pursue any of them: no… uh… ok, this is a test, right, I’m supposed to wait a little longer (Neo kind of thing where the Oracle tells him he’s not the one so that he makes the correct choice at being “the one”).  So I ask about worrying about dating them individually… no… right, this isn’t God’s answer, the coin is just broken!!  As many of you know it’s not an exact 50/50 chance that a quarter will land heads/tails it will land tails more often because the heads side of a quarter is heavier… so I get another coin (and not just another quarter a penny this time, more evenly balanced… then a dime… and a nickle… for good measure)… you know what?  THEY’RE ALL BROKEN!  So I find myself sitting here saying “alright, so my money is dwindling, you’re not sending me any amazing opportunities that are working for making money, and even though I’ve got two great opportunities for other jobs you don’t want me to take them.  After not dating anyone for two… er… three?  Guess it must be two years now you send this beautiful girl into my life who’s awesome and kinda flirting with me… but I’m not supposed to worry about dating her… or pursue any kind of relationship with her… ok… so what’s next on the agenda?”