Protected: The password is your name
Hey Jessica. I post this on here for a couple of reasons. One being that I don’t want you to read this… no I want to talk to you. However I am posting this here because I’m afraid I’ve driven you away to Isle de Jessica and you’ve left me with no map, or magic compass to find my way. Even if I did have a way to call you, or come talk to you unfortunately you wouldn’t speak to me… which makes me wonder what exactly you’re holding onto? Why you’ve not changed your status to single on MySpace, or quit putting up the facade that we’re still dating… obviously we’re not. We’re not spending time with each other, and you’re no longer willing to let me be any part of your life… which I fear is my fault, pushing you away by moving too fast. If I’ve come to the wrong conclusion… it’s because I don’t understand what’s going on. When you don’t talk to me it scares me. I come to all kinds of conclusions when you don’t say anything to me… I don’t know what in the world is going on, and it’s driving me crazy. When you don’t talk to me it reminds me of the many times before that I’ve gotten close to someone and they disappeared. Something specifically that has come up nearly every time I leave you a message or say something and you don’t respond is before going to Jamaica there was a lady I liked who seemed to like me. Right before I went we went to hang out with some other people and ended up getting kind of closer than usual cuddling a bit before the end of the night… seemed like we both liked each other, and she initiated it so I saw nothing wrong. When I got back from Jamaica I gave her a call she never responded. For two months I tried everything to try and get a hold of her and she never responded… I will never know what went wrong, nor do I care so much… but when you don’t talk to me it makes me feel like you’re leaving me behind… (btw, if you are please just tell me) there’s a voice inside my head that pesters me saying “see I told you, you’re not good enough for her. See you pushed her away. See she doesn’t want you anymore.” After a while I start listening to that voice, an it takes a voice of reason to bring me back. The first time you mom encouraged me, this time it was pastor Jesse. I don’t want you to hate me, I don’t want you to leave me behind. I know that you’ve got a lot going on right now… but I don’t see that as ever changing for us… so if you really do want anything between us please reply to me… I don’t care if it’s a one word reply, anything to just let me know you’re still there.