Cody

Ok… so not gonna be able to leave on the bike trip as I had promised this week… there’s always something isn’t there?  Luckily I did get to talk with Tiana and Pirate Fest will be next weekend as well.  So the plan (key word PLAN) is to leave next Tuesday.  What happened is that Tuesday I got a CRAZY flow of customers to my website (and when I say crazy flow keep in mind that the entire existence of the site I’ve sold a grand total of 5 items in 3 years that I’ve had it)  all asking questions, none buying yet.  One of them is a guaranteed buy, they talked to me at the St. Louis Ren. Faire and were going to pay then, I told them to wait because it was a custom piece and I hate taking money for something that I’ve not done.  I went home and made the item the next week… it’s just now getting back to them finally buying that item Still there is another order that looks promising that will total to about $300 unfortunately the purchase hasn’t been made yet… and haven’t heard anything from the person other than the initial contact email.

So that’s the real delay, I have absolutely no choice to leave my business in the dust when business is finally picking up… however I will still go on this trip, things only get more difficult as time progresses.  Maybe Jordan can come next week with me on the ride but who knows.  He had to say no to this week because he is doing a Quintiles study (he recently lost his job, and would like to do work as I do online but we all know that’s a double edged sword in itself when you have bills to pay).  Problem with working online is that unless you just get REALLY lucky like me and get hooked up with a killer job working for Viacom you work your butt off to see results 3 months down the road.  I know you guys all think that the internet is instant… it is much faster than a regular business, but the truth of the matter is that all business online takes 3 months to establish, during which time you must have 100% devotion or you make nothing at all in the end, and the site never launches.

A new daughter!  I posted a little bit ago (might of been my last post) that I needed a new daughter… well I getted one!  It was sort of unplanned but luckily I’ve got money running out my ears in excess right now so it really worked out.  Tiana found a lil kitty kat under the hood of her vehicle yesterday… being that it was a lil itty bitty kitty she couldn’t just leave it somewhere, so she called me up and asked me if I wanted her.  Got her this morning and she’s gorgeous.  A little black kitten.  She’s a little bit of a scaredy cat  so she spends most of her time hiding, I let her hide for the first hour or so that she was here, then I pulled her out and gently petted her until she was calm then got her some warm milk and continued petting her until she drank a little then she went off and hid again… gotta make sure she keeps eating so I do this every half hour… find her in the mess of a room she’s in warm up her milk (actually do that one first) pet her till she calms down and starts roaming around in my lap, then she gets a drink and sneaks off to hide.  She really is a sweetheart though, I think she’s going to be a lover kitty… which is good I like cats that will cuddle.

So we officially have reached 100 posts!  Ok, we haven’t I have since I’m the one who writes on here pretty crazy though if you ask me.

Anyways, that wasn’t really my point in coming on here, it’s been 10 days and I’ve said nothing so a real quick update (since I always tell people if they want to know what’s going on in my life to go here, may as well keep this up to date huh?).  Gonna be heading out towards St. Louis on bike around Wednesdayish of next week.  And the big reason why I’ve been gone is because I’ve been working on www.applymyway.com a new website idea that I had.   The idea behind it was that I was bored and thought I should create a girlfriend application (yeah, don’t ask because I don’t know).  I mean I’ve got the means to do so… so why not?  Then the idea grew into… why not make some money from it?  So the plan is within the next 2 months (hopefully MUCH sooner) to have a fully functional website where you can create your own applications (for whatever you so desire) and they’ll be hosted on my site.  Smaller businesses can create profiles on the site and host their own applications too, to be more professional, and for a small monthly fee those people can get the ads removed from their application so that it really looks professional.  Much like Lowes has an online application process that is not hosted by them… well I could be that person (not that I’m going for any big accounts right now anyways).  Also the big thing with the site once it’s all ready I plan on releasing it to all the major social networking sites (Facebook, Myspace, MyYearbook, and StumbleUpon to start with).  People will be able to create applications for whatever and put links in their profiles so that their friends can fill them out… sort of like all the retarded quiz sites that are going around… anyways, the goal is to have you guys help me and hopefully it will grow virally and I might actually be able to start coding full time
That’s about it that’s new and going on with me.  It is back to coding for me… if you visited the site you know that the only thing up is the user registration system (which is fully functional), currently working on the user profiles, and then to the actual application process… should have the profiles done later today, if not tomorrow, then the rest will be ready soon (soon is the best estimation I can give, may get it done a week after I get back from my ride, may be a month).

So have I ever told you guys that I love making lists?  Because it’s true I do.  Well as a fun little “hey I’ve been forced to wait a while in taking my bike trip why not use the money I have now to actually get something for the trip” I’ve spent quite a bit of time this last week digging through survival sites, and the like finding necessary equipment for the trip.   I managed to get a killer list together including 30 day food supply, GPS, shelter, endless water supply, portable recharging station for my AA batteries used for GPS, lights on bike, digital camera, etc.  I had it all planned out to a T!  Seriously I had about $15k worth of supplies on a $700 budget simply because I planned everything to coincide and work together perfectly so that with a little creativity every item served at least 5 purposes and could be combined with other items to go even further… Everything was made for longevity, flexibility, and integration… it was an amazing list of supplies and truly could have supported me on this bike ride nearly indefinitely.

So where does the fail come in?  Well, as it turns out behind Zona Rosa they are doing some construction, building some new buildings and… well… they built me a playground in the process.

Sorry bout the poor picture quality stupid 2 megapixel camera phone.  I was ridding along and saw the big dirt mount… and well… couldn’t resist.  I’ve been ridding for a long time, and do a lot of extensive off-road ridding.   So I know how to ride in order that I take my fair share of any bumps or impacts but also allow the bike to absorb shock where it is designed to… Obviously ridding out here I am standing most of the time to keep weight off of the seat.  After going down one of the large hills I sat down kind of resting ridding up to the next… but something was different.  Somehow my seat got moved or something because it definitely did not feel right.  I decided play time was over and that I should head home.  After getting home I realized that I had broken my seat, one of the support posts was bent/twisted… Did I tell you earlier that I had planned my trip down to the dime?  And that everything I was going to be getting pretty much is only useful if all the other components are available because they all integrate with each other?  Well it’s true, I did, and even this little hickup of needing to fork out $50 for a new seat is enough to throw the entire plan out the window… well funny thing is I never quit ridding.  I’ve gone out a couple more times since I broke my seat… just rest less
Coming home from Downtown Parkville this last trip I was noticing that my chain keeps slipping more and more… never a good sign, but the chain is 5 years old so what the heck my budget has been thrown out the window anyways.  When I got home and looked everything over there was something interesting about the chain… it’s fine… As it turns out the slipping, and also loud clicking I’ve been hearing is because my Cassette is worn out.  (if you don’t know what the cassette on a bike is it’s the large set of gears on the back tire)  When you stand to ride your bike it puts a lot of pressure on your chain, and in turn your cassette, which also has the chain moving back and forth to different gear sets.  Well after 5 years my Cassette is starting to wear out (pretty common).  Just that the last couple of days me keeping a consistent 150 pounds of pressure on it even when changing gears has just about done it in.  Alright… fine… fun part is when pricing a new cassette I ran into all kinds of fun little things.  My bike is a 24 speed bike, which means the rear cassette has 8 sprockets on it… nobody makes 8 sprocket cassettes anymore.  They’ve all gone in favor of the closer spaced sprockets and less jump for the chain on 9 sprocket cassettes.  Funny thing is that in going from 8 to 9 sprockets I’ve got to change over my entire gearing system.  On oldschool bikes you had the little lever that you pushed or pulled and kind of listened or turned back and looked to change your gears.  Newer bikes, especially high end ones don’t do that anymore.  Everything is done by the push of a button, you push a button to go up in gears, you pull another go go back down… problem is this system must be made specifically for what you’ve got… in moving from 8 to 9 sprockets you not only must change out the cassette you have to change out the shifters as well…  In short in order to fix my bike properly (new tires, gears and mechanics, shocks rebuilt, and new seat) it’s going to run me in the range of $700 almost to the dollar…

In short God has said, “I thought I told you to go out on this trip with nothing… so why are you planning all these other things?”

Ever since Snickers the warrior kitten died I’ve had a void in my life… a cat shaped void.  Which can only be filled with another kitten to be trained and brought up in the way of the warrior kitten.  There is one hopeful applicant to the program, a Siamese/Persian mix just becoming of age.  The real question is: do I name the new child of mine “Snickers the Warrior Kitten II” or come up with something else, just as unsuspecting and yet fierce as “Snickers” and tag “The Warrior Kitten” to the end of it?  Either way, I do need a new daughter, and I need one fast!  I miss my attack kitten…

I’m building a forge!!!  I don’t know how it happened but that last entry actually sort of, kinda, almost ended with a moral or point to the story.  This happens to me all the time, I go on these wild rants and end up actually making sense in the end.  But yeah, probably won’t on this one, if I do that’s amazing.  So anyways, I had said that there was a whole bunch of stuff I wanted to cram into the last entry, and definitely did not do so, forgot most of them before I even got to it.  By now you’re probably thinking “what in the world did that first sentence have to do with ANYTHING?” and the answer is absolutely nothing, and absolutely everything!  See I’ve been up for a while… well that’s a lie I actually just woke up, but when I wrote my last entry I had been up for about 32 hours more or less… went to bed shortly after that and layed in bed staring at my ceiling with thoughts of a forge or a new sword… For those of you who don’t know me I have troubles sleeping, so I layed there for a good 2 hours before starting to drift off to sleep, at which point Jordan called me and bugged me for a few minutes then says “Oh it’s ok, I understand the lack of sleep thing if you’d rather go back to sleep you don’t have to get up and play CoH with me.”  WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!!!! He knows I have troubles sleeping… with me there is a small window of sleep every 8 hours I can go to sleep once every 8 hours and if I miss that window you may as well forget it because I’m up.  He kept me awake during that window and well… forget it.  So I got up and played CoH with him for a while and then went back to sleep.  Only slept two hours and now here I am again up, and ready to go!!!!!

Thing is I’m actually pretty excited about building a forge.  I figure that I can take the $400 that I was going to spend to finish up making Xandra (a chainmail shirt similar to the one I was wearing for my senior pictures that I use as my default picture for just about everything, but Xandra is long sleeved) and use it to build a small 8′ x 6′ shelter area and forge.  Then I’ll use the $800 I was going to spend on a new sword to buy an Anvil, blacksmiths charcoal, scrap metal, etcetera.  Then I’ll make my own swords and it’ll be freaking awesome!

Despite what you may be thinking, I am not telling the truth whatsoever.  Yes I do plan on building a forge, and yes one of my favorite things in life is planning.  I write business reports for fun, like honest to goodness business reports 50 pages long, researched and planned out perfectly for all sorts of businesses.  Planning truly is what I love to do… weird I know.  It’s one of the major reasons why my computers are always so good.  I don’t use the best components, nor do I have the money to if I wanted to, but my computers compete and often even beat a lot of peoples who have tons of cash to just throw around and buy the biggest baddest everything.  The reason is that I spend MONTHS building my computers, I research, plan, document, read reviews, and finally pick and choose the best components that work together and integrate nearly flawlessly.   I love planning building and designing… but when all is said and done I’m bored.  Heck often times when it comes to actually building I’m bored :-P  That’s why I’m having so much fun with the forge idea right now… With the sword there was a little planning and reading reviews but that’s all over now I’ve already decided that there is only one choice when it comes to buying a sword and that is Albion.  The forge on the other hand has ENDLESS possibilities only limited by my imagination… and believe me I’ve got enough of that.

The planning and designing is still not anything though.  I’m still lying to you.  Everything that I have said thus far is 100% true to my own knowledge, but that doesn’t mean I’m telling the truth.   I was on facebook the other da, which is a rarity because I see no advantage in Facebook.  It’s true, even with the fact that MySpace has destroyed almost all link quality by doing the stupid msplinks crap it is still possible to squeeze link quality of of MySpace by blogging on there… yes the blogs have yet to be infected with the msplinks plague.  However if we’re talking valuable social networking sites, there is really only one that deserves any mention and that is StumbleUpon!  Never seen anything so powerful, and you probably won’t for some time, especially with how strong the SU community has become.  Uh…. so none of this has ANYTHING to do with what I’m saying.  Anyways I was on Facebook and saw something that gave me a little hope for it and I thought that it might, just maybe be evolving into a usable site!  It was a lie.  In the time that I spent on the site I did get why people like to use it… or… well females, it truly is a female oriented site.  So much about it is targeted for females.  Facebook has plugins, extensions, and add-ons which is cool!  It’s kind of like open source… just not.  Open source still owns facebook but hey, at least they’re trying right?  I love plug-ins and extensions, why do you think I use firefox?  Sure the new IE7 is almost as good as firefox because they have tabs!  yeah… whatever you got tabs but can you actually utilize those tabs?  I thought not.  I also use Wordpress (if you don’t know what that is, it’s the blogging tool that I’m using right now, what this site is based off of the #1 blogging tool in the world for the simple reason that it is awesome!) mostly because it has a huge support group, and the plug-ins, extensions, and themes are endless for Wordpress.  So for those  of you that use Facebook I get it now… kind of, I still don’t get why you don’t get your own website and use Wordpress because you can use all the same kinds of extensions and add-ons but just in a much more powerful manor… but hey to each their own.  While on Facebook I got an idea though… one that may never be carried out, because I’m gutless.  And that is the truth of the matter, the one that I’ve been lying about this whole time.  If you refer back to my article “lies and deception” you will have a little better understanding of things.  Basically after considering it for some time it wouldn’t be bad to have a girlfriend… in fact I kinda like the idea :-P  not that I’ve ever really not liked the idea.  Now we get back to the planning thing, did I ever tell you that I love planning stuff?  Because I do.  On Facebook I found April’s profile, but even though I invited her as a friend I can’t even bring myself to say “Hi” dude, it’s a two letter word, two letters… two letters that could eventually spawn the whole relationship thing… but I can’t do it.  I don’t know why either… I mean there is a lot about me that is peculiar, and most people can’t or don’t want to deal with, I know what kinds of people those are and I stay away from them most of the time.  Like most people don’t understand my need for solitude and just annoy the crap out of me.  Most people don’t understand my obsession with Medieval times… I don’t know April well enough to what she is like, or how we’d be together… all it takes is two letters to find out… but I can’t do it.  In fact I already know that April is into Celtic dancing, and some other stuff that is totally awesome (because have I ever said that beyond just being obsessed with Medieval times I’m even more so passionate about my Celtic heritage?  Because I am.)

yup, so definitely don’t know how it happens but all of my posts always end up being about one thing.  I’ve got about 20 things that I want to talk about, the forge (which I’ve mentioned several times), April (just got that out, yay! lulz), uh… now I can’t even remember everything else that was supposed to be crammed into this, and the last entry… but later today, or tomorrow when I remember I’ll write another random entry that contains EVERYTHING that really contains nothing, and only is about one thing.

<disclaimer> Warning, reading this entry may cause loss of attention, dyslexia, or other more serious syndromes commonly associated to rants by Kodie that have no moral, point, or concluding thought… in fact I’m not sure if this one even has a common theme.  You have been forewarned. </disclaimer>

Every man’s art

“A man can be an artist at anything. It just depends upon how good he is at it. Creasy’s art is death, and he’s about to paint his masterpiece, just stay out of his way.” I absolutely love that line…. It’s so true though isn’t it?  I could sit here and give you some word perfect definition of what an artist is, but what’s the point?  Who could really define an artist anyways?  If there ever was an artist I most certainly am one and most certainly could not define for you what one is.  Art is not solely based upon how good someone is at something, as Creasy’s friend put it in the movie Man on Fire (which by the way is an awesome movie).  No art goes much deeper than just some measurable value of how “good” someone is at something… of course that is a big factor, but art has a much deeper emotional, almost spiritual aspect to it.  Which is in part why it is so hard to define what an artist is.  There has to be an attitude about it as well.  Creasy most definitely was an artist… an artist of death at that too.  How would you like for that to be the way you are remembered?  That would be freaking awesome!  To be known as the guy who was so good at death, yes death that single handedly sent a shock wave through the community of criminals in Latin America.  When I die I don’t care how much money I’ve made throughout my life, or care what my accomplishments were… I just want the words on my gravestone “He made an impact” don’t even put my name just that line, but only if it is true.

A circle of job security

Most of you guys know that I’ve been working for  Viacom as of late… which at first I did something, and actually helped them to make a couple of websites not only more secure, but more fun for the participants.  In fact I deserved every penny that I earned if not more because they surely made it back in advertising cost.  However my job with them has simply become what my cousin described as a circle of job security.  My job any more is to give third party “expert” reports that give another guy a job to present these reports to a board of directors and eventually gives another guy a job to do programming on the websites… the programmers however are making sure to keep their jobs by purposely not taking all of my suggestions or ignoring them on later website projects so that I might review that website give the SAME kinds of report and begin the cycle all over again.  Things aren’t all bad with it since this circle has reached a major apex it looks like I’ll have some money to pursue some of my passions, which leads into my next section (since I do make more money than both my parents when I’m working full time).

Forging a passion

When I say that I’ve got a lot of money from this cycle of job security I really do mean it.  There is a lot on the list of what needs to be done with the money however… being that I might be moving out here shortly means we need monies for rent, food, etc.  There has been another option presented though, if my mom marries Scott which has been a serious discussion here lately then they’re looking at moving into Scott’s place and I’ll be taking over the house (including the house payment).  So I’ve got to keep a good reserve of cash for numerous reasons of those being that this cycle can’t last forever, someone is bound to either catch on, or the new sites will end eventually.  Although I need a cash backup there are a few things that are on the list of being purchased one major thing is some stainless steel rings for Xandra (yes Tiana Xandra will be finished but since I can no longer find the black I’m going to have to go with a purty stainless steel option instead, which isn’t too much of a heart wrench since the blackened mild steel is dirty, and it must be oiled to keep from rusting so wearing it is just bad.).  The other thing that crossed my mind with the expendable funds was to get a sword *insert ominous smile here* Now there’s a few things that go into me wanting a sword… first off it must be from a time period that I know a good deal about and has to be something that fits my fighting style.  For me the most obvious choice was a Katana they fast moving single/two handed slashing swords, which is a great fit for the way I like to fight with a sword.  The problem with Katana’s is that I don’t really want to cut into my cash reserve and spend over $800 on a sword… and in fact would like to spend less, but I know that with swords you don’t really get less than $800 and being an artist who does not compromise on the price of my jewelry I understand and would never be so rude as to ask them to go lower.  Mediocre Katana’s start at $1,200 and go up to $1,700 for one that you can actually go out and play with… which was another huge requirement for me, I need to be able to use whatever sword I get… I don’t do SLO’s (Sword Like Objects) a big reason why I don’t own any of the swords from the LOTR movies because they’re just not swords they’re 100% overpriced SLO’s and couldn’t be used for a sword if you wanted.  I then started looking for European swords, especially either Celtic, or Roman short swords (the Celts invented the sword style used by the Romans and the Romans improved upon it with brutal efficiency and made it the most feared weapon of it’s day).  In this search I found a company by the name of Generation 2 which is based in the Philippines and makes great functional swords of high quality steel.  They make swords in the sub $300 range that will hold up to a lot of punishment with a quality constructed hilt (often the hilt is the weakest point in any sword no matter how good it is made).  The problem with Gen2 is that they make UGLY swords.  No kidding, all of their swords come with a mirror finished blade, and often black VERY shinny accent pieces.  They’re also often times a little heavier than swords of the time period as well… which I’ve heard they’ve improved upon.  All of this kept bringing me back to a company that I’ve lusted for one of their swords for a long time Albion.  If you know anything about swords you know Albion, and in turn brings us back to art.  Albion has made sword making into an art, and they are unmatched in beauty, historical accuracy, and quality of construction.  There are two styles of sword that I would go with either a Roman short sword, or an Oakeshott XII I could go with an Oakeshott XV possibly… but XII is really where I like to stay because they still retain their slashing ability.  The further up the Oakeshott scale you go the closer to a rapier you get and to be honest yes, most the time when I go to kill you I’m going to stab you, but I want to be able to cut your heard off when the mood strikes… and lets be honest you’re not going to cut someones head off with a rapier, I mean you could if you sat and sawed on it for a while… but that’s getting into the realm of sadistic.  That’s why I like the Oakeshott XII it’s not like the Oakeshott X where it’s like the viking swords and really just a big metal club… type X’s are clumbsy and you really need to keep them in motion and just crush your enemy with the first couple of blows… which is fine for people like Chris who like to fight like that, but for me I want a nimble sword that I can also stab with.

After weeks of invested time into “where should I get a sword from” and “is it really worth it to pay double the money for an Albion when I could get a sturdy sword for less?” another solution came to mind.  One that is not new either and that is “Buildeth me an army worthy of Mordor.”  oh wait… NO!  that’s not the thought that came to mind… jeez, what’s wrong with you, get out of my head, you are hence forth banned from taking over my body to type your random movie quotes.  Begone demon!  The thought that actually crossed my mind was to build my own forge and make my own swords :-D  Problem here is that it’s a good 3 years down the road before I start pulling out quality stuff and probably 4 before I can really make swords… I can do blacksmithing here pretty easily, but need more equipment for full fledged swords.  What I was going to do was get a cast iron anvil from this tool company that I buy a lot of cheap crap from, build my own forge, and build a small concrete covered patio section in my back yard since I’ll be taking over responsibility of the house here pretty soon anyways.  Problem is that everyone I’ve talked to online or read articles about beginning blacksmithing says absolutely do not get a cast iron anvil… which is fine, a quality Peddinghaus (<– the best) anvil will only cost me $600 shipped.  Problem with that is after paying that then I don’t have the money to build a shelter area… which kind of ruins the whole forge idea… so unless the cycle of job security continues then I think I’m just going to get an Albion… which may make me sad in the long run that I can’t make my own… but if I got a Peddinghaus and had nowhere to work at then I’d be just as sad…

Moral

Moral of the story is “Don’t be like me. Don’t you be like me!” *shakes dog* for those of you who have seen As Good as it Gets and could relate to the movie as much as me
Oh, and I really wanted to put a bit in at the top about how even in Creasy’s sin God still used him as an instrument of his wrath.  In the Bible God say’s “Judgment and vengeance is mine”   But sometimes God uses men to play out his vengeance.  Much like Samson who pulled down a temple to pagan gods onto himself destroying many evil people in the process Creasy pulled down a temple of corrupt money driven men onto himself destroying the hostage machine in Mexico City, and sent fear though all those in Latin America doing the same things.  Just like Samson it was Creasy’s sin that got him in the situation he was, but once there God used him as a mighty weapon to pour out judgment upon an evil peoples.

My pastor likes to say all the time that we need to watch what we do for the sake of everyone around us.  Especially if we claim Christ openly because we are an image of Christ whether we like it or not as Christians.  Sometimes you may be the only image of Christ that someone ever sees… that’s a tough one to swallow… there have been so many times where people know that I claim Christ and know that I pretend to be a Christian and are around for my… well not finest hours lets put it that way.

There was one time that to my everlasting shame I took the image of Christ and drug it through the mud and hung it up for so many to see.  This isn’t a story that I tell often… and most definitely don’t tell it in it’s entirety when I do… I’m about to do both.  Four and a half years ago I had a girlfriend… I know, hard to believe, but it’s true.  Once upon a time I did have a girlfriend… with whom I made the foolish decision to lose my virginity to… but that’s not what the story is about, that’s only where the story begins.   The girl I was dating is a professed Atheist which uh… makes things awkward anyways… but I gladly smeared the image of Christ for a moment of pleasure.  Although, this still is not what the story is about, it’s only the beginning.  The good thing is that this person is still a very close friend of mine, and I’ve been able to hold up to every promise I’ve ever made her, and in that I’ve been able to redeem much of what was lost.   Instead this story is about what happened nearly a year later over winter break.  I hadn’t really dated anyone since what happened… and still haven’t for lack of trust in myself.  But there have been a good deal of people that I’ve liked over that time, one of which being a girl named Tatum.  She was a couple years younger than me, but rode the same bus as me from school, and was so cute.  She was friends with some of the same people as me like Phil whom I love dearly.  I could tell that she came from a home that was filled with strife, which was so much more of a problem for me because I have a weakness for hurting people… The protector in me rises up to get close to hurting people in any way possible to single handedly save them.  I knew I couldn’t really date Tatum, not only from the illegal aspect, but because we had separate sets of morals… but I still enjoyed talking and flirting with her doing what I could to understand and in any way possible help her.  One day 3 1/2 years ago over winter break she called me and asked me to come over to her house… I knew what she wanted, but I didn’t really care.  When I got there we sat around and talked for a few hours before her younger brother went over to a friends house.   Knowing last year I came to school in a skirt and blouse for my birthday and knowing my birthday was coming up she suggested that I do it again, and she had a dress that would be hilarious if I wore it.  Shortly after she coerced me into trying it on (ok, so it didn’t take any real coercion).  When I was taking it off again she approached me and put her arms around my neck to kiss me.  Without getting into too much detail we ended up having sex before I went home.  The next week we went back to school, the time in between I wasn’t able to get in contact with her.  After finding out from Phil that a few days after I had visited Tatum at her house she started dating another guy.  The news emptied my spirit for the knowledge that I’d never be able to regain any kind of good image was all too present.  In a single act of foolishness I managed to burn the image of Christ in front of a broken and hurting girl, as well as a lost young man my good friend Phil, as well as completely reinforced a wretched idea to her younger brother.  You see later that week on Sunday I went to youth group which I hadn’t been to in a matter of months because of some stubborn and selfish differences I had with Otis.  When I walked into the church I saw a familiar face… Tatum’s younger brother was there to see my hypocrisies in all its glory.  Of all the days I choose to come back, of all the churches in the area, him and his friends come to a tiny little church of less than 300 people off out of the way of everything in the area hidden back in an inconspicuous residential neighborhood… I’ve never been so disgraced and ashamed of a decision.  I would still give whatever it takes to protect Tatum, and many other people, unfortunately because of my folly that’s not an option.

Ok Cody thanks for the trip down shadowed memory lane… where is this coming from?  Well I was on Myspace today as I tend to do from time to time.  And I got a friend invite from a gorgeous model… I know, I was thinking the same thing.  But I always check profiles just in case so that I’m not making people as spam who are real people, because that’s just rude.  As it turns out it was a real person… but obviously way out of my league so I was going to mark as deny anyways… until I spotted a verse from Proverbs on the page.  I was so excited to see a Christian model that I accepted the invitation… only to be disappointed by the portfolio of said model.  I think as Christians we need to be more aware of the image we are portraying in everything we do… even if we’re just trying to pay the bills, sometimes you’ve got to draw a line.   I’m pretty good at putting up a show in the public forum about how Godly I am… but definitely need to check myself more often how authentic that bull crap facade really is.

I’ve spent the last three days waking up painfully early to attend what could easily be described as the most inspirational event I’ve ever attended.  The Leadership Summit hosted by Chicago’s Willow Creek Association, was simply amazing… but there was one thing that from the time I walked into the building to the moment I left for the last time on Saturday bothered me intensely.  Here I am sitting with the leaders of our church and many other churches listening to some of the strongest leaders of our time and I look around to see less than 10% of the room filled with young minds.  Here we’ve been given the privilege to hear from Jimmy Carter, Collin Powell, Marcus Buckingham, Bill Hybels and a plethora of other strong and influential leaders… and you’re telling me that the youth of America doesn’t want the opportunity to learn from these men?  I have a problem with this picture… the room was filled with older people, both those in their 40’s and in the prime of their leadership, and those on their way out you might say… but why so few to represent the generations to come?  One word comes to mind to consider this and that is frightening…

I think Saturday that I am going to have a sort of kick off for the trip. Since I’ll be gone for a number of weeks, and then when I return will be moving in With Jordan and Zach. Figured it would be good to get together with some peeps before I go. So the plan is Saturday 8/11/07 there will be some IHOP time to hang out with my peeps.

I would love to see everybody on my list here show up… but I also know that’s probably not gonna happen since people have lives, and jobs, and responsibilities. Thinking Midnightish to 4am I’ll be sitting around at IHOP since Tiana gets off work at 3am, and I would like to see the Bourne Ultimatum before I go. I’m going to the movie at who knows what time, don’t know if anyone wants to go with me or not, but if it gets one more person that wouldn’t of been able to go otherwise then by all means movie then IHOP!
That’s the plan, if you care to see me before I depart there you have it. Of course now having my own place you all are most welcome to come by any time (if you don’t mind the 20mile drive to Bonner Springs, KS)

Ok, so I have to be honest with you guys. St. Louis wasn’t, and isn’t my ideal stop… now a few years ago it might of been, but for right now I think I want to go further. The idea is currently Chicago, a light 560 mile jog across Missouri then Illinois… afterwards say maybe New York… or Montana? haha I don’t know, I’d kind of like to make it to Chicago just to attend a service at Willow Creek… that’d be cool. What would be even more cool is if they let me get up and speak when I arrive at Willow Creek as my daydreams have been pushing towards…. uh… or maybe that’s just the 72 hour mark pushing up fast.

Let me explain that one too. One of many scenarios taking place in order to prepare myself for this leap of faith is that I am spending the week fasting. I considered doing something similar to what J.R. and Craig did and fasting on my trip… but being that I will be on bike the whole time it didn’t seem like so much of a legitimate idea, I really wonder how long I would last with that one. The point is that every time I feel hungry, or just want to eat out of boredom I take that time and spend it with God in prayer, His Word, one of my Nooma video’s, a Bible study… something, anything that draws me closer to God. Coming from someone who generally eats 8 meals a day just because I like cooking, and it relieves boredom… I spend a lot more time with God, and I never really knew how much time I’ve wasted hiding from God’s word and doing anything else to quench my eternal boredom… and just how dissatisfying those things that I’ve run to for so long really are.

I will be waiting for a lot longer than I really want before heading out… maybe. Thing is I just recently got a five day job from MTV which will give me every penny I need to make this trip… but I don’t want to wait the four, five, six, however long they feel like waiting to pay me that they usually do… not to mention Winter is coming up fast (Yes, I do plan on spending a good 3 months out on my bike I will just head south when Winter approaches, unfortunately all my trips that I feel compelled to make right now are all very much so North). So dependent upon how bold I feel this Sunday I might take off right after church… Under normal circumstances I would wait a week to catch back up on some of the calories I’ve lost with fasting… but dude I’ve waited long enough, I need to go and I need to go soon. Not to mention if I leave before I get the check not only will I leave weakened further from my current weak human form… but I won’t have any money so I will be leaving without a tent, or well… anything other than my backpack and whatever clothes I can stuff in. I’m sure that Scott would take me shopping for whatever I need to go, but I feel bad having him pay for it… though… I’ve almost come to grips with the fact that God has no problem with leaving me dirt poor and me just blindly leaping out every time He says jump and there always is someone to catch me… so maybe on my trip I will run across many friendly faces that allow me to stay at their homes and eat their food. I’ve always believed very strongly in the saying go hardcore or go home, so leap, or wait for for bodily flesh to be ready? Leaning towards leaping right now. The check from MTV will arrive sometime while I’m gone, at which point I can have my mom deposit it into my bank account and I’ll just use my debit card while out.

I am still requesting prayer, both now and throughout the trip, I don’t know where I am going, I don’t know why I’m going…. but God said go, so I shall go and discover his path growing ever brighter to the full light of day as the dawn reveals every morning.

Oh, and I finally have had time to sit down with my mom on several occasions as to why I am taking the trip, the dreams, and everything leading up to the idea… and I must say it’s good to have a mother that is so supportive and loving.  My mommy is the best…